Distant Memories - Part Deux
Distant Memories - Part Deux

story by Jephael



The Halls of Lost Legends (Dimension <Null>)

Jeff, Patrick and Jenny find themselves entering a huge castle, which is the entrance to the Halls of Lost Legends. Upon entering, they are quickly greeted by Chandler Bing of all people.

CHANDLER: "Greetings, visitors!"
JENNY: "Chandler from Friends?"
JEFF: "Hey, it used to be Loki who ran this place... not Loki from Marvel, but the actual Loki from Norse mythology."
PATRICK: "Oh, wow!"
CHANDLER: "That was back when this place was mostly home to long forgotten mythical creatures. Then somehow it went all Nick and Nite and started letting in just about any fictional character ever created, be they from a book, an action movie, or a TV sitcom!"
PATRICK: "Oh, dang!"
CHANDLER: "Though on the bright side I get to remain the young spry Chandler Bing that Matthew Perry played from earlier seasons, while Oscar Madison from the 2015 reboot of The Odd Couple looks like Perry decades older! He and the Walter Matthau version don't get along too well."
JENNY: "So why are we here, Mr. Jeff?"
JEFF: "The Dimension Hopper went haywire after the Turtles pulled Wonder Woman out of that rift, which caused them to get sucked into it! I had to give the entire system a reboot, so all data on what happened was erased. Fortunately their comic counterparts have been spending a lot of time here these days, having somewhat retired after that Mowdin guy tried to screw with their reality a while back. You see when it comes to comic book characters, they tend to have multiple iterations, ergo the multiverse is created. However..."
CHANDLER: (Laughing.) "I'm sorry, I was just picturing Joey and Phoebe dressed like Superman and Supergirl! Those two ding-dongs would make the worst super heroes!"
JEFF: "Yea. Anyway, every iteration of any super hero is directly connected to their source material. Say if we had to find the classic TV version of The Incredible Hulk played by Lou Ferrigno. We could go to the original Bruce Banner from his first appearance in 1962."
CHANDLER: "I'm pretty sure that issue would cost you an arm and a leg these days... maybe even a spleen!"
JENNY: "Don't you have anything better to do, man?"
CHANDLER: "Eh, not really. Monica and Rachel have been busy tending to Earl Sinclair."
JEFF: "You mean from the TGIF Dinosaurs? Man, that series ended on a really depressing note!"
CHANDLER: "Yea, Ross was really excited to meet a talking dinosaur, atleast until Earl tried to bite his head off in a fit of rage. His family didn't make it when the time came to cross over to this plain of existence. That can occur at times. Phoebe's twin sister Ursula and Gunther from the coffee shop attempted to join us here and they both ended up getting ripped to shreds in this entropic blast of energy."

Monica and Rachel run up to Chandler, along with a nervous and upset Ross.

CHANDLER: "Oh hey, guys!"
RACHEL: "Hi, Chandler!"
MONICA: "Hey, sweety!" (Kisses Chandler.)
ROSS: "Hi."
JEFF: "Huh, he still says it that way, like a clinically depressed retail worker!"
MONICA: "Hey um, Earl wants to see you."
CHANDLER: "he does?"
RACHEL: "Yea, he's always asking what you're doing!"
ROSS: (Sarcastically.) "Yea, it looks like you got yourself a new buddy there."
JENNY: "Ooh, somebody's jealous!"
ROSS: "Nobody asked you, missy."
PATRICK: "Dang, this is getting kind of tense."
RACHEL: "Yea, Ross, don't be rude to the guests. Remember what happened that time you got in a fight with Charlie Chaplin?"
JEFF: "The real Charlie Chaplin? Man, I would love to have seen that!"

Just then the ground begins to shake as the 10 foot tall plaid shirt wearing anthropomorphic Megalosaurus stomps his way towards the group. Ross runs off in fear, followed by Rachel.



CHANDLER: "Hey, big guy! What brings you out this fine day?"
EARL: "Not a whole lot. I was hanging around the old pond, feeding some steak to that little baby Pegasus I told you about."
CHANDLER: "Oh yea, I gotta check that out. But uh listen. I have to help these visitors find the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Once I'm done, we can hang out."
EARL: "Oh right, the Ninja Turtles. In my time we had the Teenage Mutant Ninja Cavemen. My son Robbie had that poster... in his room."

Earl starts to cry and Monica hugs him.

MONICA: "It's okay, baby. I know."
EARL: (Sobs.) "Baby... Charlene... Robbie... Fran! Fraaan!!! I miss them all so darn much!!!"
CHANDLER: "We know you do, big guy."

Jeff, Patrick and Jenny offer Earl a hug as well, which he gladly accepts.

EARL: "Well, I feel a lot better. Sorry about freaking out at your brother, Monica."
MONICA: "Oh I'm sure he'll be all right. Ross rubs people the wrong way at times, but most times people come around and see him for what a nice guy he is."
JEFF: "Say Earl, why don't you come with us?"
EARL: "To see the Turtles? Yea, that sounds like fun. Lets go!"

Chandler and Monica lead the group through several corridors and rooms, each made to look like the interior of classic sitcom living rooms like The Brady Bunch and the Keatons from Family Ties.

PATRICK: "Exactly how big is this castle?"
JEFF: "Given it houses so many different characters, I'd say it could very well be as big as the Technodrome."
CHANDLER: "Well, this is where my services come to an end. You'll find the Turtles in the pavilion of comic book icons down that corridor."
JEFF: "Thanks for the help, Mr. Bing!"

Earl follows Jeff, Patrick and Jenny down the corridor.

JENNY: "Boy, we sure are getting a work out coming here!"
PATRICK: "How come Clark and Diana decided to go back to their worlds?"
JEFF: "If what Mxyzptlk warned Superman of is true, then it's important that we make sure anybody we find taken out of their right continuity be sent back there straightaway. Whoever or whatever is screwing with the multiverse, we have to find out fast or there could be dire consequences!"
EARL: "Man, that sounds pretty scary!"

The group makes their way into the comic book pavilion, passing several decades old looking statues of different heroes as they were depicted long ago. Eventually they come across a room marked TMNT.

JENNY: "This must be it. I can smell pizza!"
JEFF: "Funny, Peter Laird always hated how the mainstream media correlated them with pizza, not to mention the whole party animal thing the creators of the TV show did."

Jeff enters first, followed by Patrick and Jenny. Earl ducks his head down to fit through the archway. They soon enter a room resembling an old sewer den.

PATRICK: "Wow."
JEFF: "Yep, straight outta the comics!"
JENNY: "So, where are the Turtles?"

The original comic book Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles emerge one by one from a shadowy part of the room.

EARL: "Wow, neat entrance."
JEFF: "Leonardo."
MIRAGE LEONARDO: (Shakes hands with Jeff.) "Mr. Oughton, I presume. Renet has told us much of you and your Turtles' exploits. We are honored to have you visit."
JEFF: "Thanks. Unfortunately, this isn't a random visit. We need your help. The Turtles... my Turtles got sucked into some vortex and we have no way of finding them!"
MIRAGE DONATELLO: "We're very aware of the situation and are ready to help in any way possible."
MIRAGE RAPHAEL: "So how do we find those multi-colored knuckleheads?"
JEFF: "We need you to come with us to the 79th Level of Null-Time to figure that out."
MIRAGE MICHELANGELO: "Uh just one question. Is the big dinosaur guy here with you?"
EARL: "Oh, don't mind me. I'm just tagging along for the tour! I'm gonna go find my friends. Nice meeting you, kids."

Earl trots off and heads back towards the TV sitcom pavilion.

PATRICK: "Kids? We're middle aged!"
JENNY: "Well, if you take into account the fact that he's a dinosaur, we're like millions of years younger than him!"
MIRAGE LEONARDO: "We better get a move on if we want to save all reality!"
MIRAGE DONATELLO: "Sounds like a plan!"


Jephaelverse Earth (Dimension J); San Francisco, CA - August 5TH, 2022

Several hours later, Jeff, Patrick and Jenny arrive on the west coast, driving the Turtle Van down the Golden Gate Bridge towards San Francisco.

JENNY: "Boy that was a heck of a lot easier than I expected."
PATRICK: "Yea, I just can't believe the Turtles have been here this whole time."
JEFF: "I know,"
JENNY: "Hey, doesn't your cousin live out here?"
JEFF: "Yea, but I think he and his family are away on vacation. Besides, as soon as we've found the Turtles we got some more inter-dimensional traveling to do! While Renet and the Mirage Turtles were scanning the cosmos for our Turtles, they found out that some rifts appeared in both the 4Kids dimension and the CGI-Nickelodeon world."
PATRICK: "Dang! So where do we find the Turtles?"
JEFF: "Renet told me they'd be close to Fisherman's Wharf. If we did have time to hang around here, I could really go for one of those bread bowls of clam chowder that I had the last time I was here!"

As they drive closer to the wharf, the Dimension Hopper picks up traces of the dimensional rift. Soon enough, they find the Turtles, stranded in a small island just off Pier 39, All four of them seem to be completely frozen in time, though the sea lions frequenting the island seem able to see them.

PATRICK: "Oh man, they look terrified!"
JEFF: "Well, they're stuck between dimensions so they might not even know they're still here in Dimension J. As soon as we pull them out of the rift, they should be okay."
JENNY: "Uh hold on a second. Didn't pulling Wonder Woman out of the rift cause them to get sucked into it in the first place?"
JEFF: "That was a little different. The rift had both her and a villain from the Archie comics fighting each other, so the energy balance was very unstable at the time. Since the Turtles seem to be in a state of suspended animation, pulling them out won't cause any of us to get sucked in like they were... atleast, that's my theory. Patrick, would ya mind aiming the laser at the Turtles for me?"
PATRICK: "Sure."
JEFF: "Okay, hold on to your seats!"

Jeff locks onto the Turtles as Patrick takes aim with the laser gun. Just like before, the temporal ray shoots out, pulling the Turtles out of their dimensional prison.

MICHAELANGELO: "Whoa dudes, what just happened?"
DONATELLO: "I dunno. The last thing I remember, we got pulled into some dimensional limbo."
LEONARDO: "So where are now?"

Raphael looks down to see several sea lions staring at them.

RAPHAEL: "From the looks of it, I'd say Sea World!"
MICHAELANGELO: "Close, but no cigar, dude! Scope it out!"

Michaelangelo points to Jeff, Patrick and Jenny waving at them from the pier.

DONATELLO: "How about that. We're in northern California!"
LEONARDO: "Well, looks like we've got some swimming to do."
RAPHAEL: (Shivers.) "Aw man, that water's gotta be ice cold! Why couldn't that dimensional rift have sent us to Miami?"


CONTINUE TO PART TROIS

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