Rise With a Shiner

story by Jephael

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This story takes place sixteen years after the events of
The Summer I was Young Again. My good friend Jenny is introduced to the Jephaelverse for the first time! The 4Kids TMNT are depicted nearly a year after the events of "Universal Balance". The entire tale is written in script form.

Smallville Earth (Elseworld K); Washington, DC - September 1ST, 2014

Martha Kent smiles as she dusts off an old portrait of her late husband when the front door to the apartment opens and in comes Lana Lang carrying a large bag of groceries.

LANA: "I'm back."
MARTHA: "Hey, Lana!"

Martha runs up to the doorway with the portrait still clutched in her hand.

LANA: "Hey, what's that you're holding?"

Lana takes a good look at the portrait of Jonathan Kent and bites her lip. After a brief awkward silence...

MARTHA: (Takes a deep breath.) "Today would've been his 60th birthday."
LANA: "You know when Chloe told me what Clark did that night to prevent my death, only to lose his father in my place, I couldn't believe... I would never have..." (Starts to cry.) "I don't blame you for hating me."
MARTHA: (Pulls Lana into a hug.) "Honey, don't say that. Don't you ever say that again! I could never hate you! Jonathan's death was hard on all of us, especially Clark, but it wasn't your fault. It was nobody's fault. It took Clark years to learn that lesson, and it wasn't until he finally did that he was able to fulfill his destiny as the hero the world knows him as today. Besides, Jonathan would've willingly sacrificed himself for you anyway. Infact, I like to think he did that night."
LANA: (Nods and wipes her eyes.) "Thanks, Mrs. Kent."
MARTHA: "Call me Mom, please."
LANA: "Okay, Mom Please!"

Martha and Lana chuckle and have another hug just as a portal opens in the middle of their apartment, from which Raven appears, weeping a little herself.

RAVEN: "Oh darn it! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come in so soon and interrupt your little moment. I didn't think this would get so emotional that I'd lose control and open the portal prematurely!"
LANA: "It's okay, Raven. What brings you here?"
RAVEN: "Renet's got another assignment for us."
LANA: "Geez, already?! I'm still worn out after that ordeal we had helping Spider-Man rescue Mary Jane Watson the other week!"
RAVEN: "Hey it wasn't that bad." (Smirks.) "Besides you got a kiss from Harry Osborn out of it."
LANA: "Yea, but he was the dorky Fox Kids version, not the cute James Franco incarnation!"
RAVEN: (Chuckles as she turns to Mrs. Kent.) "Oh by the way, Beast Boy really loved that apple pie you made for us, Martha!"
MARTHA: "Aw, I'm so glad to hear it, and congrats on finally getting married!"
RAVEN: "Thanks, Martha! I'm just worried how Starfire will react when I ask her to be my Maiden of Honor. Remember at the engagement party when she nearly squeezed the life out of poor Lois?"
LANA: "I know, she's still got a backache from that! So uh, where's Renet sending us off to this time?"
RAVEN: "Not surprisingly, back to where this all started. Don't wait up for us, Ma Kent!"
MARTHA: "Funny, I was going to say the same thing to Lana. It's Bingo Night with my book reading club."
LANA: "Have fun, and say hi to Mrs. Garrick for me!"

Lana gives Martha one last hug as Raven opens the portal and the two girls walk through. Although her young friends are gone, Martha Kent isn't entirely alone as she turns around to see the spirit of her husband standing before her.

JONATHON: "Man, I thought they'd never leave!"
MARTHA: "Oh come on, we've got one more hour before you have to get back." (Passionately embraces Jonathon.) "Happy birthday."
JONATHON: "I just wish we could tell them and Clark about our little arrangement with Lord Simultaneous."
MARTHA: "I do too, though I must admit it's nice having you all to myself, even if it is just one day every three months! It gives me a reason to look forward to next season!"

The two kiss passionately before Jonathon picks Martha up into his arms and carries her off to her bedroom.

MARTHA: "Have you been working out?"
JONATHON: "Yea, I got involved with a club ObiWan started a while back. He recruited me and some of those old guys from Hogwarts. Dumbledore wanted to name the group Dead Mentors Society, but it was vetoed by about 85% of the club."
MARTHA: "I'm not surprised."
JONATHON: "That's what my Richard Donner counterpart said!"

Jephaelverse Earth (Dimension J); North Wales, Pa - October 4TH, 2008

Jeff and his college friend Jenny exit Baja Fresh and hop on his mo-ped.

JENNY: "Thanks for treating me to lunch, Jeff!"
JEFF: "My pleasure, Jen. I have to admit, I wasn't sure you'd agree to it. I mean I know I didn't make the best of impressions with the guys at the radio station back in the day."
JENNY: "Ah, who gives a shit? They didn't think much of me either."
JEFF: "Yea, they were pretty stuck up, especially that putz who knew my dad at the Clemens deli! Granted he wasn't a bad music director, but his tact could've used some improvement."
JENNY: (Laughs.) "So where to?"
JEFF: "The Tu- I mean uh, my friends are meeting me at the mall in about half an hour."
JENNY: "Since when are you so embarrassed to talk about the Ninja Turtles? I mean it's not much of a secret. Hell, just about everyone knows you're their fifth member!"
JEFF: "It's not that I'm embarrassed, but sometimes I feel like that's all I'm known for. Everywhere I go, people shout stuff like Yo, cowabunga, dude!!! It gets kinda tiring after a while. Infact I never told anyone this, but that was kinda what prompted me to join the radio station! Granted I made a couple good friends like you and Daniela. Of course, I haven't heard from her ever since she went back to Bulgaria."
JENNY: "Yea, she was nice, but people move on. Besides, nearly everybody's on Facebook these days, so it's not hard to keep in touch."
JEFF: "I'm still kinda surprised MySpace went downhill so quickly. Guess they just couldn't compete."

Jeff parks his bike near the Montgomery Mall's food court and they go in. After using the restrooms, they start walking around.

JENNY: "Man, I still can't believe they got rid of Spencer's!"
JEFF: "Yea, I know. The guys and I used to love going in there! Though Leonardo always felt a little uncomfortable going in. He claimed he was worried our presence in there would give us a bad PR image!"
JENNY: "Sounds like an old boss of mine!"

As they walk past the costume shop, Jeff notices a familiar looking dark haired young lady in a powder blue toga.

JEFF: "It can't be."
JENNY: "Don't tell me you like checking out girls in the mall, dude!"
JEFF: "No, I thought I saw... wait here a minute."

Jeff walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.

JEFF: "Hey Dori, I thought you were spending the day in the city with-"

The girl turns around and faces Jeff, revealing herself to be Lana Lang.

LANA: "Hi, Jeffrey!"
JEFF: "Lana Lang?"
LANA: "Hey, how do you know I'm not Kristen Kruek?"
JEFF: "For one thing, she's never met me or the Ninja Turtles. Secondly, you're dressed like Renet for some odd reason. What the heck is with that clock shaped badge on your shoulder strap? Did you become a Time Cop or something?"
LANA: "Actually, yes! I was recruited right after-"

Before Lana can begin explaining, there's an explosion close by as a tall figure blasts through the front entrance to the mall in front of Jeff, Jenny, Lana and a group of young ladies.

JEFF: "What the hell?!"
JENNY: "Holy shit!!!"
24 YEAR OLD WOMAN: "Oh my God, is that Brian Austin Green?"

The women begin to scream and swoon.

30 YEAR OLD WOMAN: "I love you, David Silver!"
LANA: (Sighs.) "They had to be 90210 fans!" (Walks over to the figure.) "All right, Metallo, whatever you and Traag have planned, we're here to see to it y-"

Metallo picks up Lana by the arm and tosses her against a wall, momentarily stunning her. That same moment, Raven shows up accompanied by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as well as Mona Lisa and April O'Neil. Jeff mutates into Jephael as he joins his allies.

RAPHAEL: "Uh, what's up with the green glowing rock that guy's got in his chest?"
LEONARDO: "I dunno, but we've got to stop him before he hurts any innocent bystanders."
METALLO: "Ah, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I must say it's quite a pleasure to finally meet you."
DONATELLO: "I can't exactly say the feeling is mutual, especially after treating Miss Lang like that!"
METALLO: (Chuckles) "Believe me, the last thing I want to do is harm a beautiful woman like her, but her involvement with your friend Renet has been causing quite a disturbance for my colleagues!"
MICHAELANGELO: "Dude, just what the hell are you yammering about?"
METALLO: "I'm afraid I don't have time to stick around and chat with you. I have a job to do, and the General asked me to make sure of it you five do not interfere!"

Metallo takes out a laser gun and fires at the Turtles, who all dive out of the way. Raphael throws one sai at the firearm.

METALLO: "Is that all you got, terraPAIN?!"

Leonardo jumps out from behind, slicing the device in half with his katana as he thrusts his other sword into Metallo's chest cavity, pulling out the Kryptonite power source, causing the villian to shut down and collapse.

LEONARDO: "I remember Shredder making far better puns than that."
RAVEN: "So much for Mr. Corben!" (Helps Lana to her feet.) "You okay, partner?"
LANA: (Groans.) "I'm a little winded, but I'll be fine."
MONA LISA: "Good, because you guys owe us an explanation."
APRIL: "We'd better get out of here first!"
RAVEN: "All in due time. Just let me take care of this one loose end!"

Raven opens a warp and sends Metallo back to his and Lana's world.

DONATELLO: "You must be Jenny."
JENNY: "Uh yea, that'd be me!"
DONATELLO: (Shakes hands with her.) "Pleasure to meet you."
JENNY: "Same here. We've done a few reports on you guys at the station."
MICHAELANGELO: "I thought D.J. Dillhole Tango said we were too lame to be discussed on a college radio station!"
JEFF: "No, she's talking about the news station. She works at as a camera operator for WFMZ, Channel 69."
RAPHAEL: "Channel 69? I don't think I wanna know what kind of news you guys report."
JENNY: "Actually, FMZ stands for Family Minded Zone."
APRIL: "It doesn't get much more ironic than that!"
LEONARDO: "Um, can we get back to talking about why we just had to fight one of Clark Kent's enemies here in our dimension?"
RAVEN: "I'll explain on the way to the 4Kids dimension."
TURTLES: "4Kids dimension?"

4Kids TMNT Earth (Dimension E); New York City, NY - May 5TH, 2010

The Turtle Van materializes near Central Park, being driven by Michaelangelo with Lana in the passenger seat helping Jeff program the dimensional transportation unit.

RAVEN: "As you already know, Shredder's actions in Smallville greatly altered nearly everybody's timeline in that world, but it almost cost Lana her life! She was meant to lose her powers much sooner during an altercation with John Corben in Africa, except Shredder recruited him to release Krang from prison in Dimension X. Metallo stayed in Dimension X and went on to assist General Traag and the few remaining Rock Soldiers up until Krang's death."
MONA LISA: "That explains why Corben came after us. He was sent to exact revenge on us for killing Krang! So how did Lana get involved in this now?"
RAVEN: "We've been working together over the last few years. I never told you guys this before, but I've been a Null-Time Agent for Renet since our first meeting. When we learned how Lana's fate was changed for the worst, we both felt responsible."
JENNY: "So you made her into a Null-Time Agent too?"
LANA: (Proudly flashes her badge.) "Yep!"
RAPHAEL: (Points to Jenny.) "Hey, give the lady a cigar!"
JENNY: "Um, I don't smoke."
APRIL: "It's just a figure of speech he likes to use. Hey, how come we didn't drop Irma... sorry, you remind me so much of a friend of mine. How come we didn't take Jenny home?"
MICHAELANGELO: "I was going to, but Raven insisted we didn't have time for a detour to Hatfield, so we had to bring her along!"
DONATELLO: "That's basically what Doc Brown told Marty McFly to do. Next thing they knew, they were in the old west!"
JEFF: "You kinda skipped over an adventure there, Donnie. So where are we heading anyway?"
LANA: "We have to find the Ninja Turtles of this world. They should be able to help us locate General Traag and put an end to whatever terrible plans he has in store for the multi-verse!"
LEONARDO: "What makes you think we'll find them near Central Park?"

Suddenly, Casey Jones and Hun (now back in human form) come stumbling out into the street mid fight just a few yards ahead.

RAPHAEL: "Huh, I almost didn't expect that. Better hit the brakes, Mikey."
MICHAELANGELO: (Sarcastically) "Well, no duh! What'd ya thing I was gonna do, run them down?"
JEFF: "Yea right! Hun would most likely do more damage to the Turtle Van!"

Jeff and Michaelangelo open the windows in attempt to get Casey and Hun's attention, but they're too worked up in the heat of their fight to notice the Turtle Van.

CASEY: "I'll teach you and those Purple Dragon scumbags to try and sabotage my wife's new business!"
HUN: "Hah! You're dumber than you look, Jones! First of all, I'm the only person who showed up. Secondly, the location April and Donatello picked for O'Neil Tech just happens to be down the street from the dojo Karai and Leonardo are running, and I was heading that way to give her and Chaplin my well wishes on their new baby!"
CASEY: "Don't give me that baloney! I know you've had your eye on us for weeks!"
HUN: "I'll admit I was a little curious, though after finding out you have no plans to develop any kinds of new age weaponry, I figured it wasn't worth keeping tabs on."
CASEY: "Well, you're still not welcome! Not now, not ever! You took my father from me, and I'll be damned if I ever let you lay a hand on anyone else I love!!!"
HUN: "Aw, that hurts, Jones. I was so looking forward to crashing the next baby shower!"

Casey becomes enraged and strikes Hun in the jaw with his fist, though Hun smacks him away before uprooting a three foot tall oak tree and starts swinging it at Casey like a bat.

MONA LISA: "Whoa!"
RAVEN: "You took the word right out of my mouth, sister."
JENNY: "Damn, that guy is strong!"
LANA: "Tell me about it. Where's Ben Grimm when you really need him?"
LEONARDO: "I think it's time to intervene!"
DONATELLO: "I dunno about you, Leonardo, but I'm a little attached to my spinal cord!"
RAPHAEL: "Donatello's right. Hun could snap us in half, like a bunch of toothpicks!"
MICHAELANGELO: "Whoa, dudes, Raphael just gave me a mondo rad idea! Take the wheel, Jeffrey."

Michaelangelo opens his door and jumps out of the driver's seat of the Turtle Van, while Jeff scoots over in his place.

APRIL: "Michaelangelo, wait! What're you doing?!"
MICHAELANGELO: "Just trust me, dudes... and dudettes!" (Puts his hands up to his mouth and yells.) "Yo, Incredible Hack, over here!!!"

Hun turns around and groans at the sight of the Turtle Van.

HUN: "Aw crud. Not you annoying dopplegangers again! I thought we've seen the last of you!"
MICHAELANGELO: "You thought wrong, Paul Bunyan! Why dontcha come over here and try using that sorry excuse of a battering ram on me?"
HUN: (Grins evilly.) "You're really asking for it. After I'm done with you, I'll turn that lame RV of yours into a giant paperweight!"
MICHAELANGELO: (Scoffs.) "I doubt you'll get the chance, Goliath!"
JENNY: "Why does he keep calling that guy names of giant people?"
RAPHAEL: "Because we don't like using foul language, especially in front of our lady friends."

Hun swings the tree at Michaelangelo, who dives out of the way, but trips and falls on the pavement. Hun grins as he prepares to smash the turtle with the splintered bottom portion of the tree trunk.

HUN: "Any last words, freak?"
MICHAELANGELO: "Just one, wienie!"
HUN: "What did you just call me?!"

Michaelangelo takes out a handful of ketchup packets and rips them open, squirting Hun in the eyes with the condiments. Hun screams in pain as Casey comes back and smacks him in the face with a hockey stick.

CASEY: "Nice move, dude!"
MICHAELANGELO: (High fives Casey.) "Thanks, dude!"

Leonardo and Raven come out of the Turtle Van to greet Michaelangelo.

LEONARDO: "I gotta say, Mikey, that was impressive! Remind me never to question your cleverness again. Although I am curious as to where those ketchup packets came from."
MICHAELANGELO: "They've been in the glove compartment since our little trip to Dairy Queen last weekend. I was gonna pick up some cocktail weenies to dip in 'em."
CASEY: "What brings you guys here anyway?"
RAVEN: "We can explain on the way to O'Neil Tech."
RAPHAEL: "So what, are we just going to leave Putzilla over there to wander freely around town?"
LANA: "It's not exactly like we have the means to transport him to jail."
CASEY: "Not like it'd do much good anyway!"

About ten minutes later they arrive at O'Neil Tech where 4Kids Don and April are cleaning up debris left over from a Hun shaped hole in the wall.

4KIDS DON: "Boy it sure is a good thing Casey lead Hun back outside. I'd hate to see our cold fusion generator get damaged."
4KIDS APRIL: "I should hope not! That thing could take out half the block if it exploded! Still, I did find it strange that Hun would show up all by himself. Ordinarily he's got his gang with him."
4KIDS DON: "I guess with us it's a little more personal."
CASEY: "Hey guys, I'm back, and I brought company!"
4KIDS APRIL: "Casey, you know you're not supposed to bring people in here so... oh. Hey look, Don. It's you and your brothers from that other dimension."
4KIDS DON: "Yea, and it looks like they brought... friends."

Donatello walks April up to their counterparts.

DONATELLO: "April O' Neil, meet April O' Neil!"
APRIL: (Shakes hands with 4Kids April) "Pleasure to meet me- I mean you."
4KIDS APRIL (Chuckles.): "Likewise. Nice getup."
CASEY: "Dudes, this is so freaky!"
RAPHAEL: "You're telling us, pal."
MICHAELANGELO: "For sure. It's too bad our Casey doesn't exist anymore."
CASEY: "What?!"

4Kids Leonardo shows up accompanied by Karai and Chaplin.

CHAPLIN: "Sorry it took us so long to get here!"
KARAI: "It is my fault. I had to use the rest room. So where is my former allie?"
4KIDS DON: "Uh, you kinda just missed him, but we seem to have more unexpected guests."
4KIDS LEO: "I can see that. Greetings, Dimension J Turtles."
LEONARDO: "Hello, Leonardo. This is our friend Jeffrey who we told you about earlier, and that's our new friend Jenny!"
RAVEN: "I'm afraid we don't have time for a meet and greet. Where are your Mikey and Raph?"
4KIDS DON: (Sighs.) "We barely see those two anymore ever since they became full-time members of the Justice Force."
MICHAELANGELO: "So did Mikey get over the death of Silver Sentry?"
4KIDS LEO: "Not entirely, but he's been working hard to keep fighting evil on honor of the fallen hero. Raph's been a big help, though I can't say I care for his superhero name."
CASEY: "Come on, Leo. What's wrong with Nightwatcher?"
4KIDS LEO: "I dunno, it just sounds a little too... creepy to me! Atleast Turtle Titan sounds more heroic."
TURTLE TITAN [4KIDS MIKEY]: "Did somebody say Turtle Titan?"

Turtle Titan appears through the hole in the wall.

TURTLE TITAN: "Come, trusty Nightwatcher! We have a crime to solve!"
NIGHTWATCHER [4KIDS RAPH]: "Keep your shell on, Turtle Titan!"

4Kids Raph appears wearing a costume very similar to the Nighwatcher costume from the 2007 TMNT film. Michaelangelo and Lana both chuckle.

RAPHAEL: "Huh, just my luck, I left my Green Defender costume at home!"
TURTLE TITAN: (notices the Dimension J Turtles) "Zounds, trusty Nightwatcher! It appears our scientist brother Donatello has created android replicants of some sort!"
NIGHTWATCHER: "I can see that, Mikey."
TURTLE TITAN: "Mikey?! Who's this Mikey you speak of? I am Turtle Titan!!!"
MONA LISA: "Is he okay?"
NIGHTWATCHER: "Yea, he kinda had a little concussion last week during a battle with this Binky Baby character we've been dealing with lately."
LANA: "That explains the corny Adam West impression!"
NIGHTWATCHER: "So what's with the big hole in the wall, guys?"
4KIDS APRIL: "Hun showed up earlier. We're not sure what he was up to, but we have reason to believe the Purple Dragons have something to do with-"

There's suddenly a huge explosion and a second hole is blown in the front entrance. A group of young Purple Dragons lead by two alumni of the original Dragons emerge.

DRAGON FACE: "Nice job with that arm canon, Two Ton!"
TWO TON: "Thanks, Dragon Face!"
4KIDS DON: "Aw man, I just finished painting that wall!"
DRAGON FACE: "Oh we'll be more than happy to re-paint it for ya... with your guts!"
MICHAELANGELO: "Dude, that is so uncalled for."
TWO TON: "Mess em up, Dragons!"
CASEY: "I knew that ape Hun was up to no good!"
4KIDS LEO: (Brandishes his katana.) "Chaplin, get Karai out of here now!"
KARAI: "I may be with child, Leonardo-san, but I am not one to back down from a battle."

Karai positions herself, though her large belly causes her to nearly lose balance.

KARAI: "On second thought, perhaps I had better sit this one out!"
CHAPLIN: "Good idea, sweetheart."

Donatello, Raphael and Mona Lisa take on the rookie Purple Dragons, while 4Kids Leo and Nightwatcher battle Dragon Face. Michaelangelo and Jeffrey corner Two Ton with the weapon.

JEFF: "Okay, lard-ass, drop the weapon and we won't have to get too rough with ya!"
TWO TON: "Wha? Nobody calls me a lard-ass and gets away with it!"

Two Ton shoots at Jeff and Michaelangelo with the canon, blowing a large crater into the floor. Meanwhile Nightwatcher clashes daggers with Dragon Face.

NIGHTWATCHER: "You Purple Dragon scum are gonna wish you stayed on your own turf!"
DRAGON FACE: "This is our turf, ya big metal beetle!"
4KIDS LEO: "Raph, watch out!"

4Kids Leo assists his brother in taking down Dragon Face, just as a female Purple Dragon grabs April.

PURPLE DRAGON: "Nobody move!"
APRIL: "Ahh!"

Everyone stops in their tracks over the sound of April's scream.

TWO TON: "Give us the cold fusion device or the banana raincoat wearin' bitch gets it!"
4KIDS APRIL: "But it it's not even finished."
4KIDS DON: "Yea, we were just about to complete it when-"
DRAGON FACE: "I don't give a crud!!! Ever since that meat-head Hun got de-mutated, he's been running the Purple Dragons into the ground! Hell, Two Ton and I are just about all that's left of the original members, and I'll be damned if I let our group be nothin' but a memory!"
CASEY: "What?! You nutball, the Purple Dragons are a joke! They always have been and they always will be! You're nothing but scum!!!"
LANA: "Well, this escalated quickly."
RAVEN: "No kidding!" (Smirks.) "By the way, it looks like I win the bet."
DRAGON FACE: "Hey, shut up over there!!! One more word and we'll level this place so quick-"

Dragon Face is grabbed by the neck by Hun and tossed against the wall.

HUN: "So, you think I'm running us into the ground?! Where the heck have you been the last few years, huh? Where'd you run off to after that big battle with the Demon Shredder?"
TWO TON: "Jail, Hun. Dragon Face got arrested, along with about 80% of the Purple Dragons."
HUN: "Oh yea, and who posted bail?"
KARAI: "I did. After the ordeal with Utrom Shredder, I took it upon myself to restore order as best I could, so I took control of the Purple Dragons while you were still in your mutant turtle form. Unfortunately, your second in command here decided to defy me and seek vengeance against our former enemies. I gravely apologize, everyone."
4KIDS APRIL: "Well, aside from a few holes in the wall and damaged floorboards, I'd say no harm done."
DONATELLO: "Something doesn't add up."
RAPHAEL: "What do ya mean, Donatello?"
DONATELLO: "What the heck would these goons be able to do with a cold fusion device? If I didn't know any better, I'd say they were working for somebody."

Donatello examines the weapon mounted on Two Ton's shoulder.

DONATELLO: "Just as I figured... it's Dimension X technology!"
LEONARDO: "I should've known Shredder was behind this!"
MICHAELANGELO: "Uh dude, Shredder's dead. It's General Traag we're going after, remember?"
LEONARDO: (Chuckles in embarrassment.) "Oh, sorry. It's a force of habit. So where do we find him?"

Hun stares down Dragon Face.

HUN: "Where were you supposed to meet this Traag guy?"
DRAGON FACE: "At the corner of Eastman and Laird, where the Turtles' base used to be."
TURTLE TITAN: "To the Turtle Cave, Tortoise Boy!"
4KIDS LEO: "I think it's time we took Mikey to the hospital."
4KIDS DON: "Tell me about it. That blow to the head left him more whacked out that usual! Sorry Dimension J Turtles. I wish we could help, but-"
MICHAELANGELO: "It's cool, dudes."
MONA LISA: "Yea, you've got your hands full."
HUN: "Two Ton and I will escort these Turtles to your old lair. The rest of you Dragons return to base! I'll deal with you all later." (Stares angrily at Dragon Face.) "And as for you, I'd better not see you set foot on town for a really long time!"
DRAGON FACE: "Fine by me."
NIGHTWATCHER: (Removes his helmet and whispers to Casey.) "You'd better go with them, Casey, to make sure Hun doesn't do anything funny."
CASEY: "No prob, Raph! Give me a call if you need anything." (Kisses 4Kids April passionately.) "See ya at home, babe!"
4KIDS APRIL: "Get outta here, ya knucklehead!"

While the Jephaelverse TMNT say farewell to their 4Kids counterparts, Jeff, Jenny, Lana and Raven head back to the Turtle Van.

JEFF: "Hey Raven, what was all that about some bet you had with Lana?"
RAVEN: "Oh um, I bet her $50 that April would be the damsel in distress and get herself captured." (Chuckles in embarrassment.)
LANA: "It's not funny, you know. I've been in that situation way more times than I care to remember, and it's no picnic!"
JEFF: "Yea, but atleast you grew out of it. Poor April is perpetually stuck in that role!"

20 minutes later, the group arrives at the remnants of the 4Kids Turtles' warehouse.

RAPHAEL: "Jeez, talk about your fixer uppers!"
MICHAELANGELO: "For sure. When was the last time they renovated?"
CASEY: "Donnie still uses this place to store whatever he can salvage from their former homes. But check this out! I've been hanging around an old abandoned fair where we tangled with this Nanobot thing and I came across these babies!"

Casey opens the garage door to reveal two large go carts.

HUN: "Cute, Jones. What're you planning to do, join the shriners?"
CASEY: "Oh ha ha! I was planning on fixing these up for Raph and Mikey. I thought they could use a set of wheels when they go out on patrol in their alter egos."
LEONARDO: "You guys, we don't have time for a guided tour! We need to find Shred- I mean Traag!"
DONATELLO: "Hey, I'm picking up on something really freaky!"

The ground begins to rumble as a large shadowy figure emerges.

RAVEN: "No way!"
APRIL: "That's not..."
RAPHAEL: "It-it can't be!"
DONATELLO: "I'm afraid it is... that's Granitor, General Traag's right hand man!"
JEFF: "How the hell did he get so huge?"
MICHAELANGELO: "Yea, and like why are his eyes glowing red like that?"
LANA: "I have a pretty good idea."
GRANITOR: "You wretched reptiles will pay for what you did to Lord Krang!!! Do you hear me?!"
TWO TON: "Dang. Whadda we do, boss?"
HUN: "There's only one thing to do... get the heck outta here!"

Leonardo jumps into the driver's seat of the Turtle Van with April in the passenger seat with him, but Granitor grabs the van by the front bumper and starts shaking it violently.

MONA LISA: "Oh great! If he damages the dimensional transportation unit... oh wait, Raven can just teleport us back home."
RAVEN: "Well, actually we'd have to summon Renet here to do that. As a Level 2 Null-Time Agent, I wouldn't be allowed to send more than-"
CASEY: "Less talk, more action, ladies! Goongala!!!"

Casey takes out a hockey stick and tries to attack Granitor, though the huge Rock Warrior grabs him by the arm and hurls him into a dumpster.

CASEY: "Oh well, it was time to take a shower anyways."
MICHAELANGELO: "Now what, dudes?"

Jeff notices Hun and Two Ton each activating one of the go-carts.

JEFF: "Jenny, can you drive one of those?"
JENNY: "I guess I can, but..."
JEFF: "Great, come on! You guys keep Granitor occupied. Hey you two, scoot over, we're driving!"

Jeff joins Hun, while Jenny joins Two Ton.

JEFF: "Time for a little rock around the block!!!"
HUN: "Did you really just say that?"
JEFF: "You bet your fat ass I did!"

Donatello and Michaelangelo manage to get Granitor to let go of the Turtle Van, only now he's got the two of them in his clutches.

GRANITOR: "Now, my fallen brothers shall be avenged."
RAPHAEL: "Don't count on it, pebble-puss!!!"

Raphael throws a sai at Granitor's chin, causing him to lose his grip on Donatello and Michaelangelo just as the two go-carts charge from either side of the street at ramming speed. Two Ton grabs Jenny by the arm and they jump out of the way at the same moment Hun and Jeff jump via a grappling hook. The two go-carts collide with Granitor, causing him to explode. A cloud of red dust covers Donatello and Michaelangelo and their eyes momentarily glow red.

MONA LISA: "That was awesome!!!"
RAVEN: "Totally."
APRIL: "I must be getting old or something, because all I can think of is how violent that was."

Hun helps Casey out of the dumpster and cleans him off as best he can, while Raven teleports Granitor's remains to Dimension X.

JEFF: "Hey Jenny, sorry you had to get mixed up in all of this."
JENNY: "Are you kidding? I'm having a blast! That go-cart ride with those Purple Dragons was intense! You've got some wicked driving skills there, Mr. Jeff!"
JEFF: "Thanks, Miss Jenny! Still I was kinda looking forward to a nice quiet outing with you. My life has been anything but ordinary up until this point."
JENNY: "Aw trust me, being ordinary is overrated!"
JEFF: "Eh, can't argue with that logic. Hey, you wanna go play mini golf with me and Michaelangelo at Freddie Hill?"
JENNY: "Sounds good to me, dude! By the way, April mentioned I remind her of someone named Irma. What's that all about?"
JEFF: "Oh boy, where do I begin with that one?"

Mona Lisa and Raphael notice Michaelangelo and Donatello looking rather groggy.

RAPHAEL: "Hey, what's up with you two?"
MONA LISA: "Yea, you don't look so hot."
DONATELLO: "I'm fine, no thanks to this twerp!"
MICHAELANGELO: "Who're you calling a twerp, dweeb?!"

Jeff and Jenny help Raphael coax the two angry Ninja Turtles back into the Turtle Van, while Mona Lisa, Raven and Lana shake hands with Casey, Hun and Two Ton.

LANA: "Thanks for the help, you guys."
RAVEN: "Yea, and sorry about the go-carts."
CASEY: "Eh, don't worry about it. It was worth seeing that stone creature get blown to bits!"
HUN: "Take care, and try not to pop in so often!"
MONA LISA: "We promise!"

The three get back into the Turtle Van with the others as Leonardo drives off.

LEONARDO: "So where to next?"
JEFF: "It looks like the scanner is picking up some trace amounts of temporal particles. General Traag was definitely here earlier."
RAPHAEL: "He must've known we were zeroing in on him, so he sent Granitor after us."
DONATELLO: "Really?! No shit!!!"
MICHAELANGELO: "Yea, I mean durr!"
APRIL: "What's gotten into you two?"

Raven looks at the two Turtles and realizes the red substance that covered them is native to Lana's world.

RAVEN: "Oh no, red Kryptonite!"
LANA: "They must've gotten it from Metallo!"

Jeff climbs into the front passenger seat between Leonardo and April and fiddles with the dimensional teleportation unit.

JEFF: "You'd better burn rubber, Leo! We've got a city to save!"
JENNY: "What city is that?"
JEFF: "The city of brotherly love!"

Jephaelverse Earth (Dimension J); Philadelphia, Pa - October 4TH, 2008

The Turtle Van materializes just near City Hall, nearly rear ending a Escalade.

APRIL: "Whoa, that was close!"
LEONARDO: "Oh great, it's the middle of rush hour!"
RAPHAEL: "Either that or the Eagles are having another press conference regarding Michael Vick!"
JENNY: "I would've known if there was gonna be one, since my boss would've had half of WFMZ covering it."
RAVEN: "Uh speaking of the news, you might want to turn on the TV."
MONA LISA: "Not to ask a stupid question, but why?"

There's a loud boom and people can be seen running and screaming through the streets. Jeff turns on the television.

JEFF: "Hey, we're just in time for ABC World News!"
DIANE SAWYER: "It hasn't yet been confirmed what sort of creature has been running loose in the city of Philadelphia, but we've been getting reports that some kind of toxin made of some form of reddish rock dust has already infected several individuals."
DONATELLO: (Growls Angrily): "Traag! We've got to stop that maniac!"
MICHAELANGELO: "Screw that! I'm getting me some pizza!"

Michaelangelo opens the back door of the van and jumps out.

DONATELLO: "Hey, get your shell back in here, lamebrain!"
MICHAELANGELO: "Aw, bite me, brainiac!!!"
DONATELLO: "Why you mango-brained asshole!" (Jumps out of the Turtle Van and confronts his brother.) "I have a right mind to take those nunchucks of yours and-"

Michaelangelo punches Donatello in the face and the two start fighting.

LEONARDO: "Oh great! How do we stop them?"
RAVEN: "I'm not sure there is any way. The red Kryptonite in their system could last for hours."
JEFF: "That includes other people infected here."

Mona Lisa suddenly notices two familiar faces calmly walking down the street.

MONA LISA: "It's Dori and her mom Carol!"
RAPHAEL: "What the heck are they doing here?"
JEFF: "Dori told me she was taking her mom out here this weekend."
DORI: "Hi, guys. Um, what's up?"
APRIL: "Oh nothing much. Just the usual. Would the two of you like a lift? Things are getting a little crazy around here."
CAROL: "I can see that. Why are those two Turtles beating each other up?"
RAVEN: "It's kind of a long story Mrs... um, Dori's mom."
LANA: (Whispers to Raven.) "Carol."
RAVEN: "I know, I got nervous. I'm a little stressed out right now!!!"
JEFF: "Come on, we'll take you back to your car. Where are ya parked?"
DORI: "Oh, my dad dropped us off at the Lansdale train station."
MONA LISA: "In that case, we'll be more than happy to take you home."
CAROL: "Oh, you really don't have to!"
LEONARDO: "We insist it, madam!"
DORI: "We don't wanna be an inconvenience."
MONA LISA: "Since when are you guys an incon-"
RAPHAEL: "Uh guys, can we continue this after we've calmed those two down?!"

MICHAELANGELO: "I'm calling you out, geek!"
DONATELLO: "Takes one to know one, prick!"
APRIL: "Sheesh, could this get any crazier?!"

A chorus of young men across the street start chanting "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

RAPHAEL: "Right on cue."
APRIL: "Is it just me, or are they getting taller?"
JEFF: "Oh no, their molecules are expanding just like Granitor's did!"
RAVEN: "Yea, and if we don't figure out a way to calm them down, they could pop like he did."
CAROL: "Boy, that'd be one mess I wouldn't wanna clean up!"
MONA LISA: "You're telling me!"
LEONARDO: "We've got to find Traag and demand that he gives us a cure!"
JENNY: "And quick. I don't think this fiasco is going to help Philadelphia's P.R. image!"
DORI: (Startled by Jenny who she didn't know was right behind her.) "Oh, I didn't see you there!"
JEFF: "Sorry, in all the chaos I forgot to introduce you to my college radio friend."

Donatello and Michaelangelo start throwing punches at each other as onlookers stare in disbelief.

LANA: "We can't just sit here any longer, Leonardo! What do we do?"
LEONARDO: "Raphael, Mona Lisa and Raven, come with me to find Traag. The rest of you figure out a way to subdue our brothers until we get back!"
JEFF: "Here, take Donatello's porta-tracker. I got it set to hone in on Rock Soldier biorhythms."

Raven uses her powers to levitate Leonardo, Raphael and Mona Lisa into the air with her.

DORI: "Now what?"
JEFF: "Don't worry, I've got a plan. It's a long shot, but it's better than seeing our friends become 300 pounds of turtle soup!" (Turns on megaphone.) "Hey, Shells-for-brains!" (Donatello and Michaelangelo turn to notice Jeff in the Turtle Van talking to them.) "Yea, you guys! I bet you're not strong enough to toss one another into the river."
MICHAELANGELO: "I'll take that bet. Um, which way is the riverfront?"
DONATELLO: "It's that way, you dope! I'll race ya."
JEFF: "Hopefully the run there will burn off that excess energy and they'll shrink down to normal size. April, take the wheel. I'm gonna follow them up close via my cheapskate."
JENNY: "Hey, how come she gets to drive?"
JEFF: "Trust me, she's good at maneuvering through traffic."

Jeff goes into a compartment and takes out a cheapskate. Meanwhile in the Drexel section of the city, Leonardo, Raphael, Mona Lisa and Raven find General Traag.

LEONARDO: "All right, Traag! Whatever you're up to with that red Kryptonite ends here!"
RAPHAEL: "Yea, so you might as well surrender right now or-"
GENERAL TRAAG: "Surrender? We Rock Soldiers were taught to never surrender! Besides, with this liquefied Kryptonite, I'll be able to infect millions of people once I've unleashed it into the water supply! Lord Krang may be gone, thanks to you freaks, but his spirit lives on, and I shall rule the multi-verse in his name!" (Laughs maniacally.)
MONA LISA: "Looks like Rocky's cracked!"
RAVEN: "That's an understatement, and a pretty good pun considering where we are! I'll have to tell it to Beast Boy when I get back to Titans Tower. In the meantime, lets put Bricks-for-brains in his place!"

General Traag fires a laser gun at the group.

TRAAG: "You were saying, witch?"
LEONARDO: "Come on, Raphael. Lets take him!"
RAPHAEL: "Okay, but if I end up with a broken leg, you're my personal butler for the next three months!"

Raphael and Leonardo rush General Traag who shoots at them with his laser gun. Leo whips the end of his katana blade in Traag's face.

LEONARDO: "Give us the cure to the red K now!"
GENERAL TRAAG: (Crushes the katana blade with his free hand.) "There is no cure, and even if there was, I wouldn't be dumb enough to have it on me!"

Raphael comes up behind the Stone Warrior and shoves his sai into the ray gun, which promptly explodes, causing a chain reaction in Traag's body.

GENERAL TRAAG: "You fool! That blaster was made with a specific compound that could kill any sentient Dimension X life, and you've... contaminated me with it." (Coughs up lava as if blood, before collapsing on the ground.) "Lord Krang, for... forgive me for failing y-you."

With his final words, General Traag perishes. Raphael begins to cry. Mona Lisa walks up to her husband and hugs him.

RAPHAEL: "I didn't intend to kill him. I just..."
MONA LISA: "I know, baby. It's all right."
RAPHAEL: (Sobs.) "I thought he was gonna... I imagined him hurting you and..."
MONA LISA: "Shhh."
LEONARDO: (Puts a hand on Raphael's shoulder.) "I'm proud of you, brother."

An hour later Donatello and Michaelangelo make it to the water front. Both are exhausted and have sweated out most of the red Kryptonite in their system, though there's a little bit left.

JEFF: "Come on, guys, you're almost there!"
DONATELLO: "Hey, wait a minute. You're trying to trick us, aren't ya?!"
JEFF: (Nervously.) "Wha-what makes you say that?"
MICHAELANGELO: "You want us to get wet for some reason."
JEFF: "Well, you two look like you could use some cooling off."
DONATELLO: "I think you're the one who needs to-!"

Just then a couple of kids with Super Soakers show up and spray Don and Mikey, washing the rest of the Kryptonite out of their systems.

JEFF: "Huh, that was unexpected."
MICHAELANGELO: "Oh man, I feel mondo strange!"
DONATELLO: "Likewise."
APRIL: "Good work, boys!"

Jeff looks over in amusement to see Jenny and Dori giving money to the two boys, followed by Lana and April giving each of them a kiss on the cheek.

JEFF: "How long have you been waiting for me?"
JENNY: "About ten minutes."
DORI: (Chuckles.) "It gave us a chance to trade stories about you."
JEFF: (Whispers to Jenny.) "You didn't bring up that Little Mermaid incident at WRFM, did you?"
JENNY: "Of course not! That one's safe with me... and Jessie."

Leonardo, Raphael, Mona Lisa and Raven show up.

LANA: "Well, it's about time you got here!"
RAVEN: "Hey, give me a break. I had to teleport Traag's corpse back to Dimension X, and that took up a lot of my energy."
DONATELLO: "Traag's dead?"
MONA LISA: "Yea, Raphael here accidentally killed him while protecting us."
MICHAELANGELO: "Aw, how romantic... in a Shakespearian kinda way."
RAPHAEL: "Hey, why are you guys sopping wet?"
JEFF: "Well, I was originally planning to have them jump into the river so the water would wash out the Kryptonite, but then our lady friends here found a couple of precocious youngsters with water pistols who were willing to lend a hand."
JENNY: "It wasn't easy either. It took a lot of bargaining!"
RAVEN: "Lana, you didn't offer..."
LANA: "April and I just promised them each a peck on the cheek, It's not like we made out with either of them!"
RAPHAEL: "Wouldn't that be considered a felony?"
LEONARDO: (Sighs.) "Come on, lets get outta here before people show up and start asking for autographs! Hey, where's Dori's mom?"
APRIL: "Oh, she was feeling tired so she stayed in the Turtle Van."
DONATELLO: (Upset.) "Oh no, you didn't! Guys, I've been working on a new security system that puts the Turtle Van on lockdown if it doesn't detect any mutant lifeforms inside for more than 15 minutes!"
JENNY: "So what does it do if a human is inside all alone that long?"
DORI: "Is my mom going to be okay?"
DONATELLO: (Sheepishly) "Yea, of course. I'd never endanger anyone's life. Although, I hope Carol can take a joke."

That moment the alarm censor in the Turtle Van can be heard from across the park.

CAROL: "What the? Hey!"

Donatello shuts off the security system with a remote control. Leonardo opens the back door and everyone is shocked to see Carol with a straightjacket over her decorated to look like a clown outfit, and a red clown nose clamped to her face. Jeff chuckles as he unties her.

JEFF: "We are so sorry."
CAROL: "Oh, no harm done. I'm just glad that thing didn't try to paint my face."
DONATELLO: "Lucky for you I decided not to go that far."

April notices a metallic arm frozen in place over Carol's head with a green wig and a top hat.

APRIL: "Boy, Donnie, I dunno where you got the idea for this security system, but with a little fine tuning you could market it to Barnum and Bailey."
MONA LISA: "So Jenny, you think our day could get any wackier?"
JENNY: "Well, we could have a food fight at Panera Bread or something."
DORI: "Why don't we all just go home?"
MICHAELANGELO: (Yawns.) "Righteous notion! I need to catch some Zs."
RAVEN: "I guess we'll be seeing you fellas later."
LANA: "Yea, it's been fun!"
LEONARDO: "Say hi to Lois, Clark and the Titans for us!"
RAPHAEL: "Yea, and do us a favor. Next time you come to warn us about some maniac attempting to screw around with the multi-verse, could ya give us a 24 hour heads up?"

The Halls of Lost Legends (Dimension <Null>)

Jonathan Kent looks fondly at a photograph of himself with Clark at 10 years old as Lord Simultaneous approaches him.

LORD SIMULTANEOUS: "They grow up so fast, don't they?"
JONATHAN: "Tell me about it. What can I do for ya, my friend?"
LORD SIMULTANEOUS: (Sighs.) "This isn't easy to say, but I'm afraid we have to alter the paradigm of our arrangement. Your last rendezvous with your wife almost caused some serious anomalies to the timestream."
JONATHAN: "Hmm, I was afraid this whole set up was too good to be true."
LORD SIMULTANEOUS: "I am very sorry, and if there was any other way..."
JONATHAN: "It's fine. To be honest, I'm starting to feel a little guilty about the whole thing. I mean it's not fair to Martha because she can't move on with her life if my spirit is coming and going. Basically, I'm just interfering with her life, and that isn't any worse than what that Shredder guy did teaming up with Lex Luthor!"
LORD SIMULTANEOUS: "I'm glad you see it that way, Mr. Kent. Now here's the thing. As you already know my apprentice Renet hired Raven and Lana as special Null-Time Agents to help clean up certain unfinished business throughout the universe."
JONATHAN: "So you want me to stop them?"
LORD SIMULTANEOUS: "Heavens no! They've been doing a pretty good job thus far, but Renet keeps giving them fluff assignments, like reuniting lost loves and stuff. It just seems like there's so much potential being unused. I'd like you to mentor them."
JONATHAN: "I'm not so sure I'd be cut out for it. I mean raising a boy from another planet with super powers was one thing, but..."
LORD SIMULTANEOUS: "It's not like they're kids though. Hell, you know Lana. She dated Clark throughout his rebellious teen years! And Raven's definitely come out of her shell since she met Splinter."
JONATHAN: "So why not have him be their guide?"
LORD SIMULTANEOUS: "Because for one thing, he's still alive in Dimension J! Secondly, he's already mentor to young Mr. Oughton and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Believe me, that is a full time occupation!"
JONATHAN: "I just don't think I'm cut out for this. I mean I can only make physical contact with Martha, and I can only be seen and heard by my loved ones."
LORD SIMULTANEOUS: "Isn't Miss Lang one of them?"
JONATHAN: "To be honest, I never really thought much about Lana. I always knew Martha was crazy about her, even before Clark came into our lives. I guess deep down I was more interested in having a son than a daughter." (Looks at the photo again for a brief moment.) "Oh what the hell? I'll give it a shot!"
LORD SIMULTANEOUS: (Smiles.) "You won't regret it!"


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